Have you ever realized just how dangerous Christmas can be? But do not fear: this is the only guide you will need to avoid some of the worst ways to die on December 25.
1. Sleighed by Santa
How much do you really know about Santa? He has your home address—and if you believe popular lore, he must have some kind of home surveillance going on. He’s making a list and checking it twice — is it a hit list? Block your chimney just in case.
2. Mangled in the elves’ assembly line
Did you foolishly tour the North Pole during production season? The elves are angry that a tourist interrupted their work, and they know how to make it look like an accident.
3. Run over by a reindeer
If the antlers don’t kill you, the sleigh will probably finish the job. It happened to Grandma, and it could happen to you, too.
4. Decking the halls
Thought you could deck the halls? They’re out for revenge, and you’re about to get decked.
5. Got stuck in the chimney trying to catch Santa
Remember what happened to Phoebe Cates’s dad in the movie Gremlins? I said block your chimney, not crawl into it. You fell right into Santa’s trap.
6. Fell off the roof trying to hang Christmas lights
We’ve all seen this played for laughs: some inept dad tries to one-up the neighbors’ light display and comedically falls off the roof. These are professional stunt people.. You will break your neck. You’ve been warned—there’s really no excuse. (Other light-related deaths may include strangling and electrocution).
7. Falling off Nakatomi Plaza
Just ask Hans Gruber. If you’re not John McClane, don’t try this at home. Yippee ki-yay, Maverick friends.
8. Crushed by a too-large inflatable Christmas tree
You really should have checked the size on the label before pressing “inflate” in a contained environment. There were an estimated 113,272 emergency-department-treated injuries associated with inflatables from 2003-2013.
9. Icicles fall on your head
They might be aesthetic, but icicles are also a classic weapon. Fifteen Americans die in “icicle-related accidents” each year — and over 100 in Russia.
10. Dashing through the snow
It’s a trap. Get ready for frostbite.
